Wednesday, September 26, 2012

major discovery!

Last night, I was thoroughly engrossed in an episode of Real Housewives of somewhere or other, when Jeff came in the room holding two pieces of metal.

I knew I better hit "pause".  There was a story brewing.

"I just rubbed these two pieces of metal together and made FIRE!"  he exclaimed, as though he has discovered the cure for cancer.

"Yeaaaaah.  Doesn't most metal spark when you rub it together?" my non-impressed self asks.

"It was FIRE!  Not sparks."

Uh huh.  "So all this time, you've been in the garage, playing with fire?"

Ignoring my question, "You don't think this is cool? I made FIRE with these two little things."

Apparently, I would need further information in order to gain some enthusiasm for this life changing discovery.

He holds up the larger piece and explains, "This piece isn't any metal, it's magnesium.  I rubbed it until it started to flake off, then I made FIRE."

Uh huh.

"Don't you get it?  This is how man discovered fire!  He rubbed two rocks together, but one had magnesium. That's why it lit."

OK folks. There you have it.  My husband will now be noted in historical texts as figuring out the age old mystery of the origin of fire.  Next the wheel was invented.

"Everyone should have this around.  It's a great survival tool."

Hmmm, and what is wrong with the little lighter gadget I have in the kitchen drawer? You know, the one where you press a button, and voila!  FIRE!

Oh no.  This is better.

"What if you need to light a stove?  What if your car dies in the middle of the winter? How will you keep warm?"  as he holds up his miracle magnesium.

I was beginning to feel as though I was watching an infomercial.  The hard sell was kicking into high gear, but I wasn't buying.

"And what exactly am I supposed to set on fire?  My car?"

Noted historian answers, "Your clothes."

Typical male, wants me to shed my clothing, even though it's winter and I'm freezing to death.  BUT, my life will be spared thanks to my flaming underwear lit by his miracle magnesium.

And that is when I pretty much lost it.

Where does one get this magnificent lifesaving tool?

"Harbor Freight, $2.  I couldn't pass it up."


Dawn said...

Well I have to say, it is apparently never dull around your place.

Lassiter Chase and Benjamin said...

Mommy watches the reality tv show "Survivor". It's like the best thing ever when the host gives the tribe contestants fire in the form of flint.(You know those 2 pieces of metal.) Maybe Jeff should audition for "Survivor" - his tribe would think he is a greek god or something if he made fire with his 2 pieces of metal before the Host gave them the official flint.

On a serious note -- thanks for the "flaming underwear" joke in your post -- it brightened Mommy's day. Thanks for the laugh.

houndstooth said...

Bwaaaaaa ha ha! Your husband and mine might be from the same gene pool! At least you won't lack for entertaining conversation while you're trapped in the freezing car with your underpants on fire!

Reilly / Denny Cowspotdogs said...

Hmmmm I could see Dave being entranced by it too - it's a guy thing. Dave's obsession is torches - he never buys them but for some reason can not walk past an aisle without checking them out. That is when you just nod a lot and say "yes dear" :) :)

Priscilla said...


I'm secretly happy that it wasn't something related to coffee maker/grinder as my husband might grab it right after reading your post.

Cat Chat With Caren And Cody said...

lol!!!! Thank you so much for the MUCH NEEDED laugh! Think I will order those right now lol

Cliff said...

I'm a guy and I have a magnesium fire starter left over from when I was a Boy Scout Leader. I am also very interested in torches (flashlights) and own several and I have developed a growing interest in coffee grinders. I guess I fit right in here! BTW, we also have two wonderful Shelties that let us live with them. Thanks for the great Sheltie pictures and interesting posts.


Chris and Ricky said...

Hilarious! I too laughed at the flaming underwear part! Both you and Jeff are too funny!

corbinwooten said...

Hahaha! Great story, thanks for the laugh :)

Helen said...

Had he never seen a flint before? It was hilarious reading your recolection of the event.

Nicki said...

Too funny!

Diana said...

LOL, you crack me up!!!!