Last night, I was thoroughly engrossed in an episode of Real Housewives of somewhere or other, when Jeff came in the room holding two pieces of metal.
I knew I better hit "pause". There was a story brewing.
"I just rubbed these two pieces of metal together and made FIRE!" he exclaimed, as though he has discovered the cure for cancer.
"Yeaaaaah. Doesn't most metal spark when you rub it together?" my non-impressed self asks.
"It was FIRE! Not sparks."
Uh huh. "So all this time, you've been in the garage, playing with fire?"
Ignoring my question, "You don't think this is cool? I made FIRE with these two little things."
Apparently, I would need further information in order to gain some enthusiasm for this life changing discovery.
He holds up the larger piece and explains, "This piece isn't any metal, it's magnesium. I rubbed it until it started to flake off, then I made FIRE."
"Don't you get it? This is how man discovered fire! He rubbed two rocks together, but one had magnesium. That's why it lit."
OK folks. There you have it. My husband will now be noted in historical texts as figuring out the age old mystery of the origin of fire. Next up...how the wheel was invented.
"Everyone should have this around. It's a great survival tool."
Hmmm, and what is wrong with the little lighter gadget I have in the kitchen drawer? You know, the one where you press a button, and voila! FIRE!
Oh no. This is better.
"What if you need to light a stove? What if your car dies in the middle of the winter? How will you keep warm?" as he holds up his miracle magnesium.
I was beginning to feel as though I was watching an infomercial. The hard sell was kicking into high gear, but I wasn't buying.
"And what exactly am I supposed to set on fire? My car?"
Noted historian answers, "Your clothes."
Typical male, wants me to shed my clothing, even though it's winter and I'm freezing to death. BUT, my life will be spared thanks to my flaming underwear lit by his miracle magnesium.
And that is when I pretty much lost it.
Where does one get this magnificent lifesaving tool?
"Harbor Freight, $2. I couldn't pass it up."